I talk on the social implications of some of my most common questions.
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This is Leo Notenboom with news, commentary and answers to some of
the many questions I get at askleo.info.
Sex, lies, betrayal, cheating spouses and partners out for revenge.
It all sounds like the elements of a daytime TV soap opera, doesn’t
It’s also a description of a large percentage of the Ask Leo!
Not a day goes buy that I don’t get questions from people attempting
to retrieve old instant messaging conversations because they think
their partner has been cheating on them. What I tell them is that
unless the instant messaging conversations were explicitly saved, that
no, there’s no practical way to recover it.
I also get questions from folks trying to trace the source of a
harassing anonymous Instant Message or email. (On-line anonymous
bullying is apparently rampant in schools.) This usually takes the form
of wanting to trace an IP address to a person or physical address, or
mapping someone’s screen name back to their real identity. Once again
my answer is that no, there’s no practical way to do it.
I keep using that word practical, because naturally given enough
resources, typically measured in dollars, there are tactics that might
work. The instant messaging providers such as MSN or AOL may be
persuaded to identify the source of IM conversations, Emails and screen
names, and an ISP may be persuaded to trace an IP address back to it’s
source. But I tell people that I expect that this would take the
involvement of law enforcement and/or a court order. In other words,
very difficult, and not very likely, and almost certainly very
It’s frustrating if you’re the cheated-on spouse, or the parent of a
harassed school kid, because you may have very legitimate concerns that
are not easily addressed.
So what does it all mean? The internet is a dangerous place … we
already know that. But like mailing anonymous letters through postal
mail or making anonymous prank phone calls, it’s really just a
reflection of the “real” world and of society. The difference is that
it makes certain things so much easier.
harass is just one of them.
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