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39 comments on “Can my boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse tell that I’ve hacked into their account?”

  1. After a 35yr career in law enforcement I can assure you that a very large percentage of our population only respect personal rights when they are their own. Many feel if they are the first to complain society should take their side against the other party. Many expect others, including the police, to commit criminal acts because they ask them to. Few even consider our laws and institutions should protect and serve every member not just a select few. One cynical old man.

  2. Haha…this is hilarious…

    Don’t worry Leo, you aren’t a Dr. Phil but well said. I agree with you whole heartedly.

    This post reminds me of the HP Dunn scandal.{link no longer available, removed}
    Although she wasn’t going to misuse the information, her tactics in acquiring the data and accessing it was a big no-no….

    Honestly, people don’t seem to be aware of how easy it is to track online activities. I for one hate it when people snoop around in my business so I always make sure to protect myself. This includes encrypting sensitive documents that are stored on my computer, in motion through email, or being used by others. That doesn’t mean I do bad things and then cover my tracks. I have nothing to hide. But for those of us who lack common sense about one’s privacy, I don’t want to be one who falls victim to such people. Whoever thinks that accessing someone’s password isn’t a breach on privacy are missing a few marbles….

  3. I am a retired Attorney, and forensic criminalist. It is , on all counts, a felony. More then 1 felony, if prosecuted. and for sure they know that someone was there, maybe they think it was your sig. other. But they know someone was logged in.

    • My soon to be ex husband has hacked into my FB account and has deleted most of my account activity. I’ve changed my password and email address and he is immediately on there again deleting my content. Someone told me the only way he can be getting on there that quickly is if he’s using the spyware keylogger. So everything i type he knows. Text messages. Phone contact’s and I know he can hear my conversations and see pictures I take with this software. My question to you is , how do I prove it and how much trouble can he get into for hacking into all my private accounts and conversations?
      Thank you.

    • I’m 10 years late with my comment. Hopefully, you’re still around. I AM SOOOO TEMPTED to hack into someone’s email who is the defendant in my Mother’s eviction case. The dude has not paid her any rent money in a year and is still squatting at her house, after installing, according to him, a $400K in-ground pool. (She lives in a different home, miles away.) The judge keeps allowing his side to continue the case over and over. At the last hearing, he said that his daughter was assaulted on her school campus last Fall, and that he was not there for two months. We think that was a lie to get sympathy from the Judge, because this was the first we heard about it. In fact, I may have some pictures that I took last Fall, where his 18-wheeler is on the property, which he usually takes when he goes out of town.

      • You would then be wrong to hack into his account. Doesn’t matter if you feel justified, you would now be the perpetrator.

  4. In one way I agree with Carl…this is a computer newsletter. But, this topic/problem seems to be universal.
    ….my wife knows what I do online anyway.

    We have a pair of 16 yr-old girls. There is no way I apologize for reading what they get via our ISP mail service. They don’t even know their own password(s). I choose them and change them often, which is the price they pay for using OUR computer….and online access.

    I don’t even bother with their hotmail or Yahoo accounts. Sorta figure if they let 94 million! other people have access to their MySpace mail, why should I? Nor should I have misgivings for reading their mail.

  5. I agree with Carl, Nor do i want to read about someone’s personal “drama’s” , and i do agree with leo, If you do something like that, Then yes , you do deserve to get into trouble, it is extrememly lame and pathetic.

    Seems to me the majority of you people who are asking ” how can i hack my bf/gf e-mail” are either seeking attention, like talking about the drama in your life ( Which not everyone wants to hear), want sympathy from others.

    Karma – “deed or act;” more broadly describing the principle of cause and effect


  6. i am in the early stages of a divorce and my wife’s attorney submitted hard copy of my personal email account. in other words, she hacked into my email. we have been legally seperated since 10/06 and the email she produced today (6/7/07)was dated april ’07. can she do this? if not, is this a civil or criminal issue? if you can not help, do you know of a good resource?

  7. I’m not a lawyer, and that’s exactly who you should be speaking to. Since you’re in process on your divorce, I’d start with your attorney.


  8. I agree with Donna and Ilahna completely. Especially if you are married. You really aren’t legally allowed any secrets when you are married. During a divorce you can serve discovery if you feel that your spouse is keeping things secret and you can subpoena bank accounts, email accounts, anything. So the whole official response to the initial question was complete BS and I agree – it must have been posted by a cheater. I feel bad the person was even worried about getting in trouble for guessing her man’s password. I call that genius! :-)

  9. I believe my daughter knows my password to my email account. I was upset and expressing my upset to a friend. who my daughter doesn’t know. my daughter seems angry at me so I think she snooped into my email I would like to know if I can find out if and when she did. Can I do this myself?

  10. My mother has an email account. But it appears that information and settings keep being changed on her: emails deleted. What can she do to regain all of this lost information? Stop someone who is doing this? Or find out who is doing this? She would like her privacy back.

  11. Wow, a lot of the women have issues. If you suspect your boyfriend or husband is cheating the best thing to do is confront him, leave him or get counseling. Trust me once he finds out that you hacked his computer. He won’t trust you
    anymore even if you find out in fact he is cheating. The relationship will be over.

  12. Hey Sophie,
    If you find out he is cheating, who cares if he trusts you???? Like you said the relationship will be over so what does it matter if he does or doesn’t trust you? You wouldn’t be doing something like that if he wasn’t going behind your back in the first place!! If someone is cheating on me and wants to deny it, I’m going to do anything in my power to find the truth. That’s putting my health into his hands and being careless with it. If he’s got someone on the side, there’s no telling how many that person has on the side, and so on….

  13. Well I agree with you guys about figuring out if the person Is cheating . But what if the gf/bf hack into the account and finds nothing irrelevant such as a couple of emails from other females or males? Is the considrered cheating? Or may I ask. Is flurting such as sending friendly emails considered an act of cheating on another?

    Hacking is bad, no matter what the reason. Period. As for the rest – I’m a computer geek. You don’t ask computer geeks for relationship advice.

    – Leo
  14. This is ridiculous. How would you feel if someone hacked into your account? True people say we have the right to know blah blah blah. But by hacking into emails and facebook account even mere guessing the password correctly, it crossed the line and is against the law. It’s called abuse of technology. It’s equivalent to opening someone else’s mail. Nevertheless, in spite of the excuses about having the right to know, hacking is AGAINST THE LAW and don’t be surprised if the law doesn’t take the side of the hacker.
    Let’s say because your loved one is in Iraq, you are so paranoid that you somehow hacked into the US military database to see where he or she is. Now how would the government respond to this digital trespass?

  15. Yes, this is wrong that anyone hack into someone’s personal privacy. Now!! i am thinking why god help human being to think for hacking.

  16. I would have to agree….MY LIFE is in my partners hands! If one was to even think about hacking into an email address then there is obviously a lack of trust anyways! lets say….the so called “hacker” had already confronted their mate and they have a very bad feeling that the confrontation was not truthful? Does the hacker just say…”Okie Dokie”? I dont think so, I firmly believe that person has every right to know the TRUTH by whatever means necessary! To a certain extent though! Of course, you can not tie the person up and beat them til they break! But to look into your wifes email or say a cell phone? Perfectly OK! Like I said, there would have to have been a certain amount of NON-TRUST to begin with, So if the hacker didnt find anything during the “hack”. Then that trust level should come up a bit and that person could breathe a lil sigh of relief! BUT, 9 times out of 10, IF you think/believe your spouse is cheating? HE/SHE PROBABLY IS! The law would NEVER hold up for looking at your mates password protected cell phone NOR would it ever hold up for looking at your spouses personal emails!

  17. Yes it’s illegal and unethical. Legally it’s a Federal Crime. You could be sued, and/or the person you hacked can report you to authorities and you would be arrested on grand theft as per the privacy act. The site can track you via ip address which is tracked by them the second your on the site, they do not need a court order to do it and it’s very easy for them since you used a user name that they can look up and see when you logged in. They can also alert the authorities who intern will track you ip address and arrest you. Most likely the site will make the user change his/her password or possibly delete the account. If that’s all that happens, count your self lucky and don’t do it again. Hacking is wrong, but the only people who are capable of it and not get caught are computer savy (techs and teens) people. You have to know how to not leave a trail, like set up gost computers which will bounce your ip to several different places (cities or countries).

    • Matt’s post is quite accurate. And as he previously stated, the digital footprints can easily be tracked back to you. Especially if you use your own phone or computer. If you use theirs, there might be reasonable doubt as to who was using the phone or machine at the time in question. Just make sure not to check your own email or accounts before or after accessing theirs. Or really don’t EVER do anything that would indicate it’s you on the device (no searches for things such as this article or for a friend’s address or anything that can be linked to you).

      That being said, here’s a better idea. If you confront the possible cheater and they deny any wrongdoing, there is a very simple solution to the problem: ask them to agree to not lock their phone or computer accounts (or to voluntarily give you the keys) for a week whenever you ask and without getting mad or picking a fight. And give them your word that after that week, if nothing fishy seems to be going on, you will drop the accusations and not question them again about it. And mean it obviously as well. If they are being honest and truly want to be in the relationship with you, there is no reason why they shouldn’t want to agree to your terms because after all, people who are telling the truth want everyone to know they are telling the truth! They don’t want you thinking otherwise and telling other people you’re this, that or the other. Honest people want to get the facts out there because it shows them in a positive light. Again, no reason not to.

      On the other hand, if they get super defensive and try to come up with every excuse known to man to avoid this transparency, then those actions in and of themselves just provided you with the answers you need to make an informed decision to kick their ass to the curb. And even if you find out later they weren’t doing what you thought they were, odds are they were just doing something you hadn’t thought of at the time because why else would they insist on being so secretive knowing that it would spell the end of the relationship?? They obviously didn’t care enough about you or have enough respect for you to spend a whole 7 days earning your trust and SHOWING you why you should believe in them.

      *** Please note, however, that this tactic is intended as a ONE TIME EVENT to determine if the person is trustworthy and committed to the relationship and should only be used when a fairly substantial amount of odd behavior or reasonable suspicion is present to warrant such action. And once that week is up, you have an obligation to give them the benefit of the doubt and not question them at all going forward. And if at some point in the future things start to appear questionable again, it’s time to end the relationship because the trust will obviously never truly be there like it should be. And trust is the very foundation of EVERY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP whether it’s romantic, platonic, work related or whatever. It is for me anyway. Good luck out there everyone! And never be afraid to walk away if something doesn’t feel right!

  18. I don’t agree with hacking into anyones e-mail accounts (or hacking into somebody’s privacy), but I keep wondering, why are these people using passwords so easy that someone can access their e-mails by just guessing what the password is?

    Make yourself a system for creating passwords (e.g. every password contains some letters you choose and some numbers – which you will use for every password, then 3rd and 5th letter in the address of the site you’re registering at and 4th and 7th letter of you’re user name).

    Nobody can guess it and if you remember those random numbers and letters you will never forget your password – no matter how many sites you register at.

  19. what if lets say you use like a service like Skydeck which is free and downloaded app on her phone to see if shes cheating by seeing her text and she is the account holder on cell phone service and have been living seprated for 4 months but still married and not legal seprated and are still involved in relationship together.Could you still get in trouble for that?

  20. Bull. If you have probable cause you have the right to get solid proof for your own sanity. Not doing it is not “moral” as you say it. Anyways if the dude was trying to pick someone else up online when he already had something who cares he’s a loser move on. But really in a relationship there shouldn’t be any guessing of passwords. My SO and I know all each others passwords hell some are the same as each others. Get real in these days of mistrust it’s impossible not to snoop. End of story good bye.

  21. I completely agree with the last comment.. and not everyone can afford a private detective.. and it is NOT JUST so easy.. to just end things and move on.. if you have no solid proof.. they will just deny it and you will look like the jealous bad guy to everyone.. and ps.. does sky deck really work? how much is it.. and do they have to know your using it???

  22. I have a question, wich no one has really been able to awser for me. my wife and i are goign to be getting a divorce im in iraq and she keeps hacking by guessing my passwords and changing my passwords so i have a hard time going in and changing info like where money goes and all that. I have and am still trying to get with police to report these activities and it seems im getting no where. And yes now i have re done user names passwords and secret and pin’s all crazy ass # and letters that i had to write down cuase i wont ever rember all of them lol. But in KS the law stats that whats mine is hers and hers is mine, so she can’t steal from me money but hacking into my accounts for bank and the army online stuff is some how agist the law and they dont seem like they know what there doing or dont want to get involved wich is said since my taxes pay there asses lol. please any ideas would help.

  23. changing my email address cause can not access my old account.. cause my boyfriend is very smart when it comes to computers and he has put blocks on me on some parts of the net and he has parent control on me aswell not very happy he access everything i do and write hmmm who can i stop him PLEASE HELP….!!!!!!!!

  24. my ex out did all your ex’s by conveincing certain people she knows(that never met meet) that I was the one who was stalking her, how? very easy I trusted her with my computer/equipment/cable internet bill/my phone/my software/password book/ and other stuff. now microsoft thinks im running stolen software, the law enforcement folks think im a evil guy for hacking her accounts,phone carrier wont even think about tracking ware being on the 3G network,my 1500.00 computer is basically scrap because SHE registered it with my receit on my cell phone standing two feet away from me. Ive tried everything LEAGAL to regain whats mine but no one will listen. BTW her dad is IT @hospital,best friend IT @ dept of corrections and her son is a programer/gamer wanna be! tip is her distant cousin is a certain dutch computer guru(no name) who she proudly posted on facebook. goggle “royally screwed” and theres my picture.

  25. It depends on how tech saavy they are. Technically there are ways and tools to be able to do it, depending on the mail client being used (Yahoo vs Gmail). One example is tracking last IP login on gmail. shows how you can detect if someone has been reading your emails, so it might be worth checking out to see if you did some of the techniques mentioned there.

  26. I have to disagree with you there. In 90% of circumstances, you are correct, it is highly unethical to hack into a spouses account, but if that account is on a dating site, while I can’t really say it is. Then again, their presence on the site should be incriminating enough, without the need to “hack.”

  27. i have come to the belief that someone at “”is illegally hacking into my computer and making threats to me for watching free adult sites, even though that cable network promotes ,advertise and sells triple- xrated movies on tv and the internet. can i sue them and how ?

  28. Mr. Leo . thank you for the work that you have done to ed. me in this computer world that i don’t know very much about. so far you have made it easy for me to understand. thank you so much. looking toward my first news letter. a real good job your doing for a lot of us. till later thanks dan t.

  29. The notion of actually getting charges to stick on this are absolutely outrageous. Assuming that you’re not using your own computers hardware MAC address, there would be hardly any solid, legitimate evidence against this person other than literally forwarding it to their own email. Given that you could easily argue that someone else had been at your house accessing it, who had that as their MAC address(Even if it’s an illegitimate one), As IP address order is awful and unreliable when you have two individuals under the same roof as the defendant and plaintiff.

    Your ISP wouldn’t pose any actual risk to you, and anyone who sits there and tells you that your service provider is what is going to get you caught, is probably not well qualified in even the slightest manner. You should be more concerned about the logs on xxx website or email provider. Those would show you forwarding the emails to your own email, which has your IP linked to it. Ironically even that would be fairly circumstantial evidence.

    TLDR; You’re not at any real risk
    But morally you’re at a low.

  30. I’m closing comments on this article because it seems to have become a magnet for spammers, scammers, and hackers trying to advertise assorted hacking services.

Comments are closed.