I am a techie. I have numerous close friends that seek technical help from
me and I am more than happy to help a friend out. But things have changed for
me. I now have a 1 yr old baby and donāt have time to help everyone out. I get
frustrated at the volume of requests I receive from friends. But since I have
helped them for so many years, they have become dependant on me. How do I stop
being the techie everyone relies on? I understand why they come to me, but when
does casual help turn into common abuse. (Since i can fix, install almost
anything, my friends think things are easy; when in-fact it takes extreme
amounts of time and energy). I am sure you get plenty of people in your
personal life asking for technical advice. How do you handle this?
You could start giving out bad advice. Perhaps lose some data here and
there? Blame it on pressures at home, of course.
No, no, Iām not really being serious about that. Although it would solve the
problem it would not only lose you a few friends, it would simply be wrong (tempting
as it may be).
My solution was to start a web site, but if you think trying to help a few
friends takes time, you can only imagine what an enterprise taking questions
from the entire world has turned into. (It also helps that I have
fairly techie friends.)
But I absolutely do understand your situation, and Iāll share what little
advice I have.
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My recommendation?
Honesty.
āIām sorry [insert friends name here], Iād honestly love to help, but with the baby and all I simply donāt have the time. The problem youāre having sounds like [whatever your gut instinct is], and you might [some ideas for them to act on], but I just donāt have the time to do it for you right now.ā
If theyāre really friends theyāll understand.
I wouldnāt blow them off ā¦ theyāre your friends, after all, and that counts for something. Thatās why:
-
I would include your gut instinct on whatever problem theyāve just told you about. I know you have one, and if youāre as good as you sound (making the difficult look easy is one sign
), itās probably accurate more often than not.
Sometimes that alone is enough to direct the less technical in the right
direction. (In many ways, since I canāt see peopleās machines, itās a lot of
what I really do here at Ask Leo!.) -
Giving them some concrete next steps to take themselves is similarly helpful. It serves two purposes, actually. The first is the obvious: it allows your friend to gather data or try things that may or may not resolve the problem ā perhaps coming back to you with a more specific symptom. Of course, youāll only want to iterate so many times, I get that, but sometimes that first round of data and additional questions can also lead to solutions for many, many problems. The not-so-obvious side effect is that youāre training your friends that they can be somewhat self reliant without really being overbearing about it.
What I wish I had, and perhaps you do have or can find, is a trusted āsomeone elseā. By that I mean someone whoās abilities you trust that you can send your friends to when things get more difficult. Here on the web site, I often mention seeking out āa local technicianā for more hands-on diagnostics. A qualified referral could make your friends quite happy ā remember, all they really care about is that a problem gets fixed, not necessarily that you be the one to fix it.
But I do understand that it can be a difficult situation to find yourself in.
The best advice I can honestly give is that youāre not really helping your friends by trying to or saying you will when you canāt. Gently at first, but more bluntly as needed and theyāll come to understand that you have some other priorities that have to come first.
And of course, when appropriate, send āem to Ask Leo! for some on-line support.
I know that many of my readers often find themselves in similar situations, so perhaps some of them will contribute their thoughts on how they handle it.
Well, one thing that works when people donāt react well to denial is charging for your services. I know itās harder to do with friends, but you can attribute it to the baby. You can say stuff like āwell, you know I wouldnāt regularly charge you but I promised myself that Iād start a college fund for the baby so every time you guys and gals want me to do something other than give you an opinion youāll be contributing to that.ā Some will take the hint and be less demanding, others will happily contribute to the babyās college fund and some will disappear. Either way, you and your baby win.
Of course youāll have to adapt the line to each friends personality but still.
Just say no to the repair. Some people get blamed for fixes that break a second time or a new problem develops. Did you mention the baby eating the free time more than once? If all fails, you may have to delete some files.
Another idea; I know that the computer users group is a dying breed, but if there is one in the area, point āem there. Also, you could modify Leoās āscriptā to include recommendations for appropriate books (starting with the relevant āDummiesā books). Used copies can often be had pretty darn cheap via Amazon.com. That also addresses the matter of pointing them to resources of self-support. In addition to āAsk Leo!ā, Iād suggest pointing āem to Bob Rankinās site as well (friend āBob Rankinā on FB or go to http://askbobrankin.com ). That way whatever isnāt covered on Leoās site may be covered on Bobās and vice-versa.
ā¦ But if you want to watch the baby for a few hours, Iāll see if I can look at your computer then.
:-)
Actually, I kind of agree with āSeekerā about charging for your services. Depending on whether you have a āreal jobā (aside from the one of raising a kid), perhaps you could earn some extra bucks fixing computers in your āspare timeā. (Iām a father of four, so I know that āfree timeā is often āsomething that I can do while the babyās asleep on my lapā.)
Unfortunately, all of the people whom youāve given free support to all these years will groan. But, as Leo said, if theyāre really your friends, they should understand, especially if they have kids of their own.
āIād be glad to help you with that, but Iāve got SO much on my plate right now. You know, Iāmā¦
* painting the babyās room
* weeding the yard
* cleaning the gutters
* spraying for spiders
* detailing my car
* in dire need of someone to watch the kids
ā¦ next weekend. If you could help me out with that, it would sure free up some time to look at your computer.ā
Very enlightening. I have a friend whose husband is somewhat techie. He had to reformat my computer awhile back, and I could not believe how much time it took! I sincerely hope that allowing him to store his humongous boat in our outbuilding over the winter months was a fair tradeoff. Like Leo says, it is good to get somewhat self-reliant, no matter how much it hurts your brain!
I suffer from this too.
Once you demonstrate that you know more than someone else about computers, that someone automatically assumes you know everything.
I am consistantly asked by friends, family, even my partner, to āfixā problems with their PCās.
Some of these problems are, quite frankly, beyond my skills ā and yet if I say as much, the response is āOh, you just canāt be bothered to helpā.
My advice ā be mercenary, and charge by the hour.
I do this as a side business and some of my friends who donāt have time for this sort of thing just refer the requests to me. Yes, I charge but maybe a little less on a referral. Itās a win-win. I get more business and my friends donāt have to answer the questions.
I am now on 3rd generation referrals with this so I would say that you need to find someone you trust that you pass people to.
Start charging them for your time ā they will soon stop then.
short of letting your guru status lapse (general computer stuff for me, I still have it in a few areas), finding a good tech to pass them to is a great idea.
I happened to find a good one near me that sells new and used computers along with tech work. He loves the business and really knows his stuff unlike the major retailers āagentsā that have gone down hill since they went from local shop to nation wide commodity.
I deal with the same situation alot also. But, I love working with computers but at the same time I also love some me time. I cheerish my Saturday mornings with my cup of java and reading the newspapers online and my morning surfing. But, at 9:01 ā 9:05am Saturday morning is when the first call starts. So now I donāt answer my phone until after 12:00pm on Saturdays. Also in regards to referring people to Ask Leo website, well, some people just donāt want to spend anytime reading.
I am a self taught techi and used to do things for friends for free, but now I have retired I have told everyone that I now charge as my earnings have dropped as my pension is no where as much as it was when I was employed. It was suprising how many now do not call me.Thank goodness. But the many who still do are only to glad to pay as the service I give is good and they are only too pleased to pay for the service I give them
Alex (previous response) and Leo, have it right- Say your sorry, but you have to charge $XX.00 per hour for repairs, but if you try āthis or āGoogleā itā you may find the answer.
Daffey
This may help.
Doctor asks lawyer at busy party ā how can I deal with people who ask me for advice on their medical ailment.
Simple says lawyer. Answer their question and say youāll pop the bill in the post.
Great, thanks says doctor.
Next morning doctor get a bill in the post from lawyer!
Hope this helps,
J-D from Kent UK.
Donāt worry, no bills will be issued!! Thanks Leo for all your sage advice, love it always. J-D
The best way to avoid the problem of people asking for freebies is not to start doing pro bono work in the first place. You can put a polite but firm, āThank you for calling me for computer repair. My fee is $(insert dollar amount here) per hourā¦ā or words to that effect on your answering machine. Also, the suggestion that the person put up a web site where he states that his fee is $(amount) per hour will let folks know that he might be available for computer consultation, but it will cost them. They can then decide whether to call their friend or go with some other organization such as The Geek Squad.
Helping people is a lot like feeding stray cats. You start out with one because you feel sorry for him or her, and then, the next thing you know, every stray in the County is at your doorstep and you have to call Animal Control to get rid of them.
i found that friends were using me in exactly the same way. I printed a flier and some cards, which said I would work on computers with a call-out charge of 30 GBP plus 20 GPB per hour after the first hour. I gave six of these to each of my friends and asked them to distribute them. They got the message, and within a year I had earned enough to travel to Australia and back!
If you do not want to do it then make a charge for one yearās telephone help. All my friends understood and gradually the requests began to reduce.
What gets me is having to fix the same problem over and over again. āLook, stop clicking on every damn link you see!ā
I usually recommend they install CCleaner, Malwarebytes, and Search and Destroy, and run them first before they call me.
I have a variation on the same problem. Iām the IT manager at work, and people here sometimes beg me to help with their home computers, offering to pay me whatever it takes. I donāt really want more work but Iām friends with a couple of co-workers so donāt mind helping them occasionally. I donāt let them pay me because I wouldnāt have an easy way to say no to everyone else here if I did. And because they arenāt paying me they feel too guilty to ask very often. And if I donāt have time I tell them to try one of the local stores that fix computers. Amazingly though, most people will live with pretty bad computer issues until they completely break down (then of course they ask me how they can recover their not backed-up data).
I am an old retired geezer having no kids at home to care for. I enjoy helping friends with computer problems and do not charge. Should they offer remuneration I accept it. Some are quite generous, others not. I am not swamped with requests. I simply ask that they bring their computer to my home and work with me while I fix it. I spend the time educating them as I go. As a result: I get to visit with them, they share in the responsibility if any data is not saved, they see how much time is actually involved, and I have fewer repeats.
For the parent with the child, the āFriendā can easily see how the time required interferes with child rearing. (The idea of a fee to provide a college fund for the child is a good one)
As a computer tech that earns his living repairing computers,I see this from a different side. Some people āloveā to work on computers and never charge, this people like. Professional hairstylist see this all the time. People who just āloveā to cut hair, maybe even good at it but do not charge. People āloveā free.The answer to your question, charge what the local tech shop charge per hour. That will take care of your problem. I promise
As a doctor who uses a computer a lot, I sympathize. In fact, I hate bothering my more tech-savvy friends with my own computer problems, but itās often hard to know where to turn for help. (I live in a foreign country. Computer English is hard enough, let alone using a foreign language.)
People of course often ask for a quick medical opinionāthe best response Iāve ever heard suggested is: āPlease take your clothes off so I can examine you.ā Iām afraid Iām rarely bold enough to try that. I canāt quite think of an equivalent response a computer tech could use.
If I had the responsibility of raising a child, I would have no problem whatsoever respectively informing my āfriendsā that I cannot help them anymore. Some people are way to timid, or reserved, and to their detriment. If ever there was a good reason to modify oneās behavior, taking care of a young child is at the top of the list.
Hi John,
I need your help!
Please come over and show me how to work the above program when it is conveniet to you.
Cannot get my web broswer to access Orsum.com have tried everything l know.
Thanks
Peter Schoā¦.
I received this email today. I have done lots of work on this PC which was almost unusable before I spent many hours reunifying all sorts of issues including a DVD not working properly,mouse faults, usual clog ups and mild level infection.
I donāt get paid ..I just love burning up gas to run my car hither and dither.
I actually love diagnosing PC issues ..wish I could get a few paid jobs ā¦even just to cover costs.
Jp
I agree with John L. In some cases I add that I personally use Windows XP and am not up to date on current operation systems. That usually does the trick gently.
My dearest friends I help as possible, but those that just call when they need somthing I state a rate of $45 an hour with a 2 hour minimum charge and whatever surcharges I can think of on the spot.
the easiest thing to do is to send the pc user to PC Tech room under the Computer section of Paltalk which is a free download voice/text chat program and help is given freely there 24 hr per day everyday and has been functioning for over 10 years.
I simply started a business, and now friends and family understand that they will pay, albeit at varying discounted rates, which they gladly do.
Not only has this kept me from having to deal with every single, piddly little problem but it has increased my wealth.
I have similar problem, but when I mention a fee of $35 users are surprised. They are expecting this to be done for free.
When I return a repaired pc, the user re-connects the pc by themselves and in the process damages the pins on the keyboard/mouse connector(not USB). The user delays the payment. I now ensure the this pc is connected in their presence and tested before handing over and collecting the payment. Thereafter it is their problem or unless the repaired or replaced items become faulty.
Actually, I love the idea of bartering services. The person I help may not be able to pay me or anybody else, but they may know how to fix my car or be willing to cut my lawn.
And when I get to a place where I need help on something with my own computer, Iād be happy to trade out babysitting or music lessons or a chore that I am keeping my friend from doing.
Now I just need to cultivate a friendship with a car mechanic who has a messed up computer!
Exactly Cathy, I totally agreeā¦ thatās how it once was, and how it should always be.
Personally, I would be loathe to charge a friend or neighbor for help with anything that I could do for them. And I would hope for help from my friends and neighbors (for whatever, within reason) in return, if I needed it.
You must be pretty great at fixing computers if your friends are always asking for your help! But, I understand it can bother you after a while. I agree with Ask Leo, giving them simple advice to help themselves is a great step. Suggesting they use programs that are already on their computer, such as ReadyBoost on Windows Vista and 7, is a good start. What advice have you tried giving them on getting Widows to run smoothly?
When we ask you questionsā¦why dont you get to the point,without going into detail about our queries..ieā¦how dom I remove IE9 and replace it with IE8ā¦simpleā¦but you have to explain the ins and outsā¦that isnt what we wantā¦straight answers pleaseā¦.
18-Mar-2011
B Pearce refers to āwhat we wantā. I donāt know who the āweā are, but he certainly doesnāt speak for me. I have always found Leoās newsletters very educational, even though the problems that they address are usually not mine, and I am now a much better informed and more efficient computer user. Reading the newsletter is one of the weekās pleasures, because I always learn something; long may they continue!
Agree with John (& likely many others) who appreciate the newsletter along with the tech tips Leoā¦please keep up the good work & thanks, I look forward to it every week.
((Maybe B Pearce should consider other options for solving his problems that more match his āstraightforwardā commentary style))
Since I work in the computer field, I get asked all the time (I am a programmer, not a hardware guy ā but people assume if you can do one thing with computers, you then know everything there is to know). If it is something simple (but donāt always assume it is simple because simple can turn into major), I sometimes will help. But once I was asked by friends to fix a problem they had with a Mac. The closest I have ever been to a Mac is my old Apple II+. I told them that I have never worked with a Mac, but they countered ābut you are smart ā you can figure it outā. I had to put my foot down and tell them that I could mess it up worse than it was now because I really didnāt know much about Macs, and advised them to find someone that did. Leo is correct. If they are really friends, they will not let that episode taint the relationship. We are still friends, and they did find another source to fix their Mac (a sigh of relief).
āWhen we ask you questionsā¦why dont you get to the point,without going into detail about our queries..ieā¦how dom I remove IE9 and replace it with IE8ā¦simpleā¦but you have to explain the ins and outsā¦that isnt what we wantā¦straight answers pleaseā¦.ā
Re the above comment from a reader, please dont stop the education Leo. Iām sure that I speak for many readers when I say that I find it very helpful.
B Pearce is exactly the type we techs are talking about when trying to help someone solve their pc problems. All they want is us to fix it for FREE and not have to worry about how to fix it themselves. If they donāt want to learn simple processes to keep their computer in good shape, they can always take it to a repair shop and spend hard earned money instead of free advice. Very typical of exactly what the topic refers to.
Iāll readily admit that I do attempt to sneak in some education while I also give you the answer in the hopes that next time you wonāt need to ask me at all, but will be able to resolve your issues more quickly and efficiently on your own.
Exactly. Thank you and keep educating. That is why I read all your answers and not others. I want to be able to understand, not just do a couple clicks.
And, people sometimes ask me to help and I do because I do not have a 1 year old.
Just keep educating.